It's hard to admit this to myself, but I'm something of a chronic daydreamer. The triggers are random at best, and once I start, it's hard to stop. I often realize that I've created quite a complex world in my head. Actually, multiple worlds. But of course, the world I return to the most is the one where I'm rich, buying all the latest tech, making everything I ever wanted to make blah blah blah - tldr: a world where my life is perfect.

And frankly, that world is quite boring for an outsider. Why would you care about dreams and definitions of a perfect life? Although lately I started getting annoyed at myself for going back to this world so often. Sometimes I'd spend more than 20 minutes in this world, indulging in this fantasy, and then I'd be extremely afraid of coming to terms with my current reality. All in all, it's a terrible coping mechanism. To put it simply, I daydreamed too close to the sun. I was afraid of taking initiative on things, because in my head, I had already created the perfect scenario. So, if I take initiative and dare I say, I fail then that perfect scenario will no longer make sense. Losing these bits of copium was really harsh for my brain to accept.

But being stuck in these fantasies is terrible, terrible, terrible (repeat it a few hundred times). And these days I consciously try to stop myself from daydreaming too much. Yes, indeed, I just try to limit it. I don't think I'm ready to completely stop daydreaming. I'm addicted. Then again, always thinking about how bad your life is, isn't going to do you any good either. But my mind also just can't stay empty. The solution, is what this blog is about. Master of long intros, back at it again.

I try to replace my daydreaming and in turn overthinking with other things, like watching a video, playing a game or writing code. But it gets extremely hard when I can't do these things. And when does that usually happen? When I'm trying to sleep. Different kinds of thoughts just won't leave my brain, and of course I fall into the trap of daydreaming once again (though, i think it's night dreaming, right? heh heh heh). It's just very appealing. I don't have to think about negative things and instead for a brief moment I get to live in this perfect world. But as said before, this has serious negative effects. So, I replaced it with story writing, in mah head, on the fly, hell yeah.

I've always been fond of telling stories. I started making shit comics when I was a kid. It wasn't limited to comics, I had some cheap figurine toys and I used them to tell stories to myself. One of these ideas was about a private security company, Deepin Inc. Managed by 3 friends who barely have any idea of what they are doing, they are faced with great challenges which they never could have expected. I modeled an entire character after Boudica of Iceni. I wrote character arcs (or rather, thought of) that explore the complexities and hardships of the characters involved. I wrote an intergalactic universe, with planets, with their countries and politics, their own unjustices and cruelties. It's fun.

But I often wonder how I can come up with stories that easily. If I were to assume, I think it's a by product of all the daydreaming. Daydreaming is also story writing of sorts, except not as interesting. So when I think of these fictional stories instead of making up fantasies of an imaginary perfect life - I still am flexing the same brain muscles. I think. Not an expert at all. Either way it works and that's what matters.

Though, most of these stories are actually quite old, I've had them in mind ever since I was a kid in my single digit era, but only had the chance to properly develop them recently. But I also often come up with new ideas, and feel urged to write them down even though I haven't. And that's why this is a blog post and not a private journal entry. You know what they say, once something's on the internet, it's always on the internet... or... well.. something like that. The ultimate goal of this blog post is to take the iniatiave, to tell you about my worlds. Or at least let you know that they exist.

I don't think I'm ready to publish stories yet, but someday for sure. I think I'll never do it if I just keep it within myself and never express them to others. So this post is the first step in a long initiative, but since I've taken the first step, aka, told the world about the existence of the fact that I write stories, I think I can follow through, even if it takes 20 years.

[hands shaking as I publish this post]

See you next time. Also, daydream less, implement more ;)